brain dump

There is entirely too much going on.  Check it.

WEDDING
The wedding is now less than three weeks away.  I should be wearing my shoes right now to get them broken in, but am still holed up on the couch (see "sick", below).  There are a lot of things that need doing. 

• I need to choose specifically which flowers to use in decor. 
• I need to pester people who have not RSVP'd, including people who did RSVP but didn't put their names on the card or a return address on the envelope.  Ah the mysteries.  In some cases the postmark (or lack of) is the only clue.
• I need to get the ceremony details worked out. 
• I need a final count for the caterer which will also create final layouts and plans. 
• I need to contact the caterer about borrowing or renting a couple of additional items. 
• I need to see who we can get for videography.
• I need to work out logistics plans to schedule which family members will be at the house when.
• I need to figure out what things I am forgetting I need to do.
• I need a valium.

I met with the planners on Thursday night and actually am a little more freaked out about details than I was.  Kent has action items that he will have to GET ON SOON. (hint hint hint)

MOM
Mom has had a week with big ups and downs and is having some odd emotional reactions (bad, dark-side ones, even to good news).    Her immunity is back up to acceptable levels, so she can walk around, eat raw fruits and vegetables, whatever she likes.  The rash which was causing concern turns out to be most likely a drug reaction to chemotherapy (signs are good, fingers crossed just in case!).  However, when she got the news this morning that it was not a worry, and that she could eat what she wanted and go whereever she wanted and would even be leaving the hospital earlier than expected, she got really upset and anxious.  I don't get it.  Someone will have to ask her what is going on - even get her to talk to one of the in-hospital counselors if possible.  Her being constantly freaked out is confusing and upsetting to people trying to help her.

I've asked if I should go back next weekend to help get her resettled at home (I should look into tickets), but was told only to do it if all the wedding stuff is done and we are idling.  I can pretty much guarantee that I will not be idling before April or May.  We'll see.

One good thing, when I talked to Mom today she was talking about coming out for the wedding.  Yes!  I hope she can make it.

SICK
I woke up this morning with a stomach ache.  It's nothing serious (like the dramatic food poisoning so many friends have seemed to be getting lately), but it's lingered, I've wasted the whole day hanging out on the couch instead of working on the wedding.  Not good.  I'm feeling better now but need to drink some water and try and get something constructive done.

BOOKS
I just finished "Boneshaker" by Cherie Priest.  If you like steampunk, zombies, or Seattle, check it out.  I downloaded a free book, The Apothecary's Daughter", it had high reader ratings but I don't know what it's about.  We'll see.

BLOG
I just switched to the new Blogger posting and editing system.  I can now include jumps!  I'll do this in a future post and test my cliffhanger-writing skillz.  However, I haven't seen where they've hidden the spell check - so we'll see how many I've got here... later.

Rinse. Repeat.

Nothing much to report from here. Mom continues to improve, her blood counts are coming back up (albeit slowly) and her appetite is pretty good. She's still tired, so when we talk on the phone it's short, but she sounds like she's in much better spirits this week. Her hair is starting to come out, but from what I hear she finds this more interesting than distressing (although she doesn't like losing the nice pixie cut she just got).

Work goes on, Kent is in Bakersfield this week, there are still wedding tasks to do, I need to do laundry, I am going to the gym tonight.

This weekend, the photostroll group I just joined will be going to the Chinese New Year fair and parade in SF. I am not sure if rain cancels, but if something happens and I don't photostroll, I am totally napping.

That is all.

Short mom and wedding updates

Mom has been having a rough week. Her blood counts are down, so she's been feeling like hell (touchy stomach, no appetite, food doesn't taste right, HIGH anxiety). She's been sleeping a lot but while awake has had some big mood swings. She usually sounds OK when I talk to her, but I hear that she's also super-anxious and does not ask for help when she gets in a state. Her blood counts should be coming back up soon, hopefully everything else will improve then too.

She's also had fevers on and off all week, which was expected since her immune system was on vacation. I don't know if they ever quite figured out what was causing it (or them), and she developed a rash from something, although it's not clear if that was from an infection, or just a reaction to one of the medications.

One step at a time, mom, eat some ice cream, please take an anti-anxiety pill! Even better, take the THC pill they're offering, they are less of a worry for habit forming and will also make you want to eat something. It's legal.

In my neck of the woods I've been working on getting more of the wedding stuff in order. We got our license at City Hall yesterday (eek!) and met onsite with the caterer and our friend Kirk about layout and decor. I chose tablecloth colors but still have a lot of decisions to make about the flowers. So many details. I like the look of branches and keep having that scene from AbFab run through my head, where Edina tells her daughter to get some flowers out of her room. "They're too English, darling, I need something Japanese. I want stems!" (sorry, couldn't find a video clip)

After the onsite meeting, Kent and I got a drink in the Marina, and good lord, that one "Betel Juice" may as well have been administered by IV. It hit me like a brick wall. We then walked over to Fillmore for an early dinner at the Elite Cafe, ate too much delicious cajun food, and went home. We were asleep by 9. Yes, my party animal days are apparently few and far between these days.

Kent's having his bachelor party outing day today (golf, steakhouse, who knows what else!), so I'll be entertaining myself, and waiting for calls about some furniture Kent just listed on Craigslist before making himself scarce. THANKS, HONEY, I really was going to be bored if I didn't have something else to do. Grrrrr.

Tomorrow: tasting at the caterer's. That should be fun!

Quarantine! (updated)

Mom's blood counts are now crawling around on the floor. This was fully expected, but she is tired and easily overwhelmed. For a few days, she's asked to pass the word on to hold off visiting her in person. She can still take short calls and get cards, though, if you want to do it that way!

She's sleeping most of the time now. She's lost her appetite, so we're trying to think of goodies to tempt her with. She can only eat approved foods from the hospital (a side effect of low blood counts is she has to be very strict with food safety), but we're trying to encourage her to eat whatever sounds good. She'll need more protein as her blood starts to build back up, but for now we're just trying to get some calories in there. Fortunately she was eating really well last week, so a day or two of low intake shouldn't hurt too much.

A couple of friends have suggested that she can now get, shall we say, appetite-enhancing drugs (cough-THC-cough) but I can't think of how we might convince her that this is a good idea. That they are available in caramel cube form may help, though!

So, mom doesn't have any fevers or anything, and is doing as well as could be expected, and is in good hands. So we just need to wait for her blood generators to start turning back on and doing their job.

Watch for more updates soon. If you have any suggestions for tempting someone without an appetite to eat, leave them in the comments!

***UPDATE
Got an email from dad that mom started getting a fever last night (Monday). It's not high (101F), and she's started on antibiotics, and they're doing tests to focus the treatment more on whatever's trying to make an inroad, but results won't be ready until later today (Tuesday). Hopefully mom keeps calm and keeps sleeping and eating. Will post more soon.

Shift in focus

Wow, I have no energy. I haven't done anything all day, so I'm not sure what's going on - hopefully this isn't me getting whatever stomach virus Kent had all week! I don't feel sick at all, just really tired. Mm.

Mom is still doing well with the treatment and has been taking her anti-anxiety meds and is sounding chipper, so I've been putting more attention back to the wedding planning. I feel behind, but apparently am not in too bad a position. Next Friday is going to be busy for decisions, since I'll be meeting with the caterer and the friend helping me with decor, and before then really need to pull some pictures so I can make those decisions quickly.

I finally got my shoes shipped on Tuesday and took my dress in for alterations, it's going to be close but at least the tailoring will be relatively easy (shortening the skirt and taking in a little extra fabric at the back), so hopefully that will work out well.

We still need to get the booze, and are seeing what we can do for video and I should check on lighting.

Ummmm, what else. I should consult my lists.

In the mean time, it's back to the magazines to pull pictures of things I like and to look for potential hairstyles! Less than 5 weeks to go...

We've been invited to an anti-Valentine's Day party tomorrow. More on that later! We don't have Valentine plans for this weekend - the original plan was to go to dinner somewhere, but since Kent was sick we've put that off. The place we're looking at should be less busy next weekend, anyway.

Welcome to mom updates

Hi there, new readers! I've been posting on mom's fight against leukemia here, and I'll be keeping a separate tag for those searching for those posts. If you want to read the whole blog and my full line of chitchat, come to Miss Interpretation. If you are only interested in reading about mom's updates, you can use this URL (and mark it as a favorite):
http://derende.blogspot.com/search/label/mom%27s%20health

UPDATE: I've also added a widget here so you can email the blog entries if you want to. See at the bottom of the post - look for the envelope.

I'll try to keep from mixing subjects too much in the entries. That makes for confusing reading, anyway.

So, it turns out that mom had a rough day yesterday. Her blood counts finally took a dive and she started feeling bad, and in conjunction with that started feeling really anxious. The staff were trying to get her to take a low-dose Valium to help, but she refused because she doesn't want to get addicted to Valium. I think she must have read "Valley of the Dolls" at an impressionable age. So, we're encouraging her to reconsider, since it may work better than the anti-anxiety medication she was getting. It's "mother's little helper" for a reason!

My main concern at the moment is getting her anxiety level down. It's burning up energy she needs for other things, and high anxiety and nausea will just keep building each other up. I heard she was better by last night and hope that she's doing even better today. Hopefully she'll get a hold of the priest she's been looking for, too, which should help more.

Hopefully they are also realizing that sending six people into the room to dump a lot of information on her at one time is exacerbating the situation. Stop that!

I'll be checking in with them later today to see how things are going. She has today and tomorrow-day left to go on chemo (should be done by the evening), and then she'll be in recovery. The next 5-8 days or so are going to be touchy due to her low immunity (and feeling low energy and probably sore), but she'll be closely monitored. 22 days until she goes home (estimated).

Keep the good thoughts coming!

Mom update and Living Wills

I've been in touch with mom and dad since coming home. Mom is doing surprisingly well with the chemo. In fact, it's turning out that she's far stronger than expected - her blood counts are not dropping as the doctor expected them to. In fact, a couple have gone up! I'm sure the doctor is consulting with other hematologists and oncologists, but from what I hear the chemo will still be wrapped up after the 7 days. She only has two days to go, then will be starting the recovery phase.

One of the things mom got at the hospital was a booklet called "Five Wishes" (wiki article here) (pdf here). All patients at the hospital get this, so it's not a function of the health problem or prognosis. It's essentially a living will, which outlines your healthcare wishes and selects healthcare power of attorney (it's legal in about 20 states if signed and witnessed correctly). Mom and Dad are working on them now, one for each of them, and are finding it upsetting.

Personally, I think everyone should have something like this done, just in case, regardless of age or health. I had to do this when I did my living trust in 2003 (the living will is part of the trust). It was upsetting to think about these things happening, especially the conditions under which I'd want to have them withhold life support, but I found that I felt better once I had everything I wanted in writing, so people didn't have to guess or worry about what to do if something happened to me.

I have to update my living trust this spring (another side effect of getting married, although there are items in there which need updating anyway), so I'll be reviewing my living will to see if I want to change anything. I'm also going to have Kent go through the Five Wishes so he can do his living trust.

If any of you would like mom's contact information to send a card or note or something (please note, flowers are not allowed), let me know and I'll get it to you. She definitely perks up when chatting on the phone or with visitors, too (although not many at a time), so if you're inclined, consider it! Dad is also going through a rough time, so giving him a call is good, too.

Everyone keep sending healing thoughts! I posted the list on her bulletin board of people I knew of who were sending mom thoughts and prayers and meditating for her - hopefully when she sees all the people pulling for her, it helps. I think the visualization of the chemo as little Rambos going after the cancer cells also helps - plus, it makes me smile to think of a molecule with itty bitty headband and machine gun, screaming and going after a hidden foxhole of blast cells.

Coming Back Out

OK, this time I have a really good reason for being out of sight for a while. We've been blindsided! I was on my way to meet with my caterer last week and got a call from mom and dad right before I went in. They sounded off-center, and it turns out that what they thought was a minor problem for mom had just been diagnosed as leukemia.

You want something to snap your other problems into proper perspective, that is one way.

So, the last week and a half has been a roller coaster, but not the good kind. I'm learning all kinds of things that I really would have been OK not knowing. If you're ever in the position of getting this kind of news, let me warn you that going onto Google at 10 pm to look up the condition is a TERRIBLE idea, especially if you're alone in the house. This was all before some follow up tests, so I've been having trouble not getting ahead of myself.

With the follow up tests, it turns out that mom is in just about the best possible position for leukemia - it's localized, with none in her marrow, blood, or spinal fluid samples. She's still going to be in the hospital for a month. This is due to the treatment plan, where she will get chemotherapy for seven days in a row, to knock out all her white blood cells (unfortunately the healthy ones are taken out in addition to the malignant ones). When they're gone, she'll be very susceptible to infections, so she'll be under observation and kept on a safer floor.

Mom started chemo yesterday - we got to the hospital at 8 am, checked in, got to her room, had her central line put in, a heart exam, and started chemo in the afternoon. The schedules kept getting moved around, which didn't help mom's feelings of anxiety and being overwhelmed, so we did our best to keep her engaged and not worrying about everything at once. I think she hit a real wall of "too much" when the nurse was showing us the chemotherapy schedule, since there were so many drugs on the list. She's been joking that she's going to walk out, but I hope that she keeps in mind that this is better than the alternative.

We were thrilled when she turned out to have essentially no side effects from the first round of chemo drugs. She is in better spirits today, even sounding cheerful, and we are trying to get more visitors to come by. She's worried about feeling sicker, but as long as we encourage her and make sure she's as protected as possible from infections and also encourage her to eat whatever she wants, I think she's in a great position to get through it really well. We'll have to also make sure that she doesn't try to be too much of a good patient - that she should let the staff know ASAP if she starts feeling uncomfortable in any way, so they can make any necessary corrections early.

Here's a new thing I learned: once your white blood cell count gets below a certain level, you have to follow the same food safety rules as you do when you travel (no raw foods except for fruit you can peel (banana, orange), foods need to be well cooked and kept hot, etc). Huh.

I'll be going back to SF on Monday, about the same time they're expecting mom to start feeling tired and flu-y. Hopefully I can help out enough before then that they can focus on mom's treatment and recovery. I can come back out in a couple of weeks if they want or need me.

Mom will be getting a haircut tomorrow. I should warn her in advance of hair trauma, but at least it will be easier when it's cut than if her shoulder length hair was coming out from the chemo.

We're doing all we can to make sure she's comfortable and upbeat. However, she finds a lot of help in knowing that people are pulling for her, thinking about her, and praying for her. If you have any messages you'd like to pass on to her, feel free to leave a comment and I'll pass the messages on.

27 days to go before she goes home!

The wedding is still going ahead as planned for now!